Home.

I can't stand it here, the middle of no where.
I'm looking for a way out, this place isn't what I thought.

When you walk and see the beauty, take a picture and remember it forever.

Remember that this is where you grew up.

This is home, I've been here for 17 years and staying for a while longer. Sure, I'm going to miss the lovely walks..all the scenery and peace.

Although it's peaceful I think I'm ready to leave.

I've had enough of it here, lack of friends and no where to get a job.

Driving a half hour or more to get to an actual town, it's difficult.

I've grown out of this hamlet, I'm ready to leave..

I drank too much soda pop as a kid and now I'm addicted to Caffeine.

I would love to say that I did something with my life, that I accomplished something..
But when I think of it..It's nothing, I look back to my awards and feel like I never accomplished anything.

All my dance awards, they were all team effort.
Sure..I have two track and field metals but they don't mean much, I beat a couple girls in some sports..woo.
The sadest part is..My 13 years of being in the same school and the only awards I've got was attendance, for 3 years.

I stopped going to award nights cause it's all just discouraging.

I've got 4 trophies..all for hunting, those were the things that made me feel like a could actually do something. The fact that I am a 17 year old girl, and am the girl that many people wouldn't expect to be interested in that kind of stuff, because im a small person, and am more of a city kinda girl. Anyway, this is why I feel proud.

I'm searching for something more than just this though, I guess you could say I'm one who wants to be heard..Not just with music, I don't plan on going anywhere with music but just to talk. For people to understand my life, is this selfish?
The goal from that is to get to people, I feel like in a way I can relate to people but to a certain extent..

I dont know if this made sense, my brain is kind of fried.

It's Spring Break..

I have no plans..
But everything seems to work out better when I don't.
Hopefully I'll have a good time, hoping you do too..wish I could spend it with you bud.

Have a safe break everyone,

Seranda :)

Random

I'm bothered by the fact that I can't be myself without somebody having a problem with it. Like everything I say is stupid and pointless, I'm not like them. Lately I have been having problems staying calm, it scares me so much that I am constantly wanting to beat up certain people, I feel violent and don't want to be. I don't blame this on them, I can't. it's just the way I am right now, hopefully this is only temporary. Just for once, I would love to be the girl who is kind to everyone, the girl that people know as friendly and understanding. The one that follows Christ and nobody else. I've realized that relationships aren't always easy, It's not easy liking someone either. When they live far away, you miss them..It's almost a painful thing. I am constantly trying to convince myself that I don't like you, but it's not working. This becomes worse, I miss you and haven't seen you in forever. I am mad at myself and want you here. When I'm upset, happy, angry or hyper..I want you here. This Sucks. All I can do is wait...

So I'm trying to convince my parents to move, not working.

At this moment I am wanting to rent an apartment with my friend during the summer and my grade 12 year in Calgary.

That is super far away but I need it I think, It would be good for me.

The only problem with this is my parents, They don't want me to.

So once again I'm stuck here..but im still going to try my hardest to convince them it's the best idea.

I can't wait for summer, for what it will bring. Friends from Korea are coming back to visit and I can honestly say that's something that excites me the most out of summer. Camp, Koreans, Canada Day, Fires, Camping, The beach, I am also going to challenge myself to do something new this summer, but I don't know what it is yet.

MAY:

6th...Youngstown grad

7th...Trav's wedding

9th....Calgary Zoo with my school

26th...University or Lethbridge.

JUNE:

3rd..Cessford Grad

29th..Done Grade 11.

I Love You.

These three words can never get old. Many people find it weird when I tell them i love them. Without realizing that I tell people this for a reason. I truely love all my friends and family a lot, I feel bad for not telling them that everyday. Everyone deserves to be loved, not only by God who created them, but by others around them. Many people each day commit suicide, it's the painful truth.. A lot of the reasons why is they don't feel loved, they're bullied, feel lonely, abused, somethings happened to make them feel depressed. We need to stop thinking about ourselves and start caring about others. So if I have never told you just how much I love/care for you, I am truely sorry. Just know that I love you a lot. I apologize for not treating you the way I should. Lets go for coffee.

I've Never Felt So Out Of Place.

I feel so lost, who I am right now. Nobody understands me and I'm sitting here, screaming and asking for someone to finally see me! Not who they THINK i am, Who i REALLY am. I've realized nobody around me does, they know some of me, but only a little.. but I don't even know who I am. I don't understand! I would really like to know. So im waiting here, please come find me. I need a friend, one who wont walk away... I know i'll find you one day.