Tuesday, December 28, 2010

You're Not Alone.

It's been a pretty messed up month.

I know many people go through alot worse things,
losing two friends to suicide really messes with my mind i guess you can say.
Being real though, it made me think about things that I don't want to think of,
like what it would be like if i were to just disappear, who would care?

These questions are stupid, I know for sure, one person would care.

I'm not alone, and through the hard times ill remember.

Monday, December 27, 2010

It's Dark, But I can see

Looking outside i can see
that beauty is all around me.

Watch the sky become dark,
watch the light of the cities appear and all the stars sparkle.
That light, I can see is a city where you are, from here it looks close,
but in reality, your so far away.
I'll sit and think about what it would be like to be in that city of lights,
to see your face, to watch you smile.
I'm so close to getting out of here,
A chance maybe to see you again.

We will find a way, I'll find my way to that light.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Im broke, But i'm not broken

I thought I was going to be happier,
Knowing this is what God wants..

Theres a piece of me that wants to take it back,
to be with you, to sit and look at you,
knowing you are the one.

I still get that same answer..
but I question it.
You moved on, so it seems
Sadly, I can't get you off my mind.

So until that day you understand,
I guess ill keep acting like we were never together..
that all this time, we were just friends..

well, I love you bud.

I hope soon, you will understand.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Daniel James Edler.

You loved my eyes,
I loved your smile,
I miss that smile.
The moments you were content,
The memories we spent
The jokes you told
The times we spent with laughter,
Not caring what they thought about us.
Could I be the one to cut the rope? to save your life because I know your supposed to be here.
You are loved Danny Edler, you are missed more than you could imagine.
You said you didnt want to disappoint me, ive never been so disappointed.
I don't know why, you would take your own life, but I wish I was there to help you, to tell you how special you are.
Rest In Peace my dear friend..

Monday, December 13, 2010

This imperfection.

It's not you're fault, so please stop you're crying.
We have better things to think about then this
You blame yourself for things that don't make sense.
But when you think about it, we're all to blame.
We treat people like they're windows, transparent, and at times..completely disgusting.
When really, we're more like mirrors,
When you look in a mirror and see you're reflection,
"They judge me all the time," look in the mirror and see
that exact same person looking back at you..
Pointing out every imperfection in you.
We do not deserve this, to be judged and torn to pieces by hurtful words.
But thats not our biggest problem,
We tend to judge ourselves, looking at every flaw and trying our best to be accepted.
This selfconsciousness takes away from our lives more than you think.
One little imperfection, and we stop being ourselves and start trying to fix ourselves.

It shouldn't be this way
I'm done caring, it's time to be me.


From the start, it was like we were best friends, randomly dancing with someone I didn't really knw made me happy.
From our first conversation to becoming amazing friends for a long time, we had our difficult times but I'm so happy were friends again. I love our deep converations, and still love dancing. The things we've been through are awesome, being baptized on the same night, pursuit, yc, all those amazing things, amazing memories..

You're an absolute blessing and joy in my life, Promise we will be friends forever? THANKS.
You're friend,

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Were hiding away, for another day to pass

I'm in hiding,
Away from everything around me.
Take my music, sit, write, isolate myself.
Theres a guitar beside me, take it
and show me something beautiful.
A noise, a beautiful noise.

Still learning to play
Still learning to breathe.
I sit quietly in a room with nothing.
A guitar is all there is,
Nothing else in sight
but thats all thats needed.
A guitar to make a noise
A voice to make it go together
And someone to play for.

Reminding myself, this is a place of no judgement.

Saturday, November 6, 2010


All these memories are burning me alive
What you said, those names you told me I was
but I'm not.
The nights I spent crying hoping to just end my life.
To just be done with you,to be done with everyone;
Not another painful memory to go to my head, to remember what it felt like to be hurt, abused, talked about and pushed around.
Another night in my room, crying with memories of you, of me.

The scars are still there, I see them.
They're only noticeable if you look close enough.
I'm okay, I tell myself this everyday;
The pains gone, you're safe now.
They can see right through me, transparent, now I know the meaning.
Nobody, I have nobody.
Lies keep attacking me, nobody cares.
You're in this alone, they don't want to hear you're cry for help.
My life was meaningless.

The real me was there, looking for a way out.
Seeking motivation;
Realizing, I'm here for a reason.
end it, just quit...The lies return.
Stay strong, reminding myself who I am.
Who i want to be, "The Somebody"
I am someone, look in the mirror and see, I am a girl.
cared by somebody, thats all that matters.
To end it would hurt them, I have to stay strong.

Chin up, walking through a hall of people, people who notice.
I am somebody, you see...

Happiness has taken over.

Dear Jen, you're blog is coming soon..still not done writing it. :)

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Thanks for the memories.

Did you even care that I was alone?
When I needed you most you walked away.

You missed me?well, it really didnt seem that way.

You'll understand someday.

Grab my hand, Lets dance.

Its been so difficult not being able to dance,
To walk on the stage and compete against amazing dancers.

I dream about dancing, I think about dancing, its always on my mind.
I love dance.

This year, im going to dance no matter what.

This is for you.

Monday, August 23, 2010

I don't want to be alone anymore.

Guy: Why are you sitting by yourself?
Girl: I'm waiting for someone..

He didn't understand, While She was waiting for someone to care.
She walks through a crowd, hoping for that one person to notice.
Wondering why shes even here, waiting for someone to tell her how special she actually is.

Sitting in silence...
Asking God what she did to deserve this, why nobody likes her,
Why she walks through a crowd alone.
"I love you"
A tear falls from her face, with a bright smile.

All she needed to know was that God cared, God loves her and is always there.
While nobody else was, he was.

No more walking through a crowd alone..

Sunday, August 22, 2010


I feel like I got to know you more.
Just that little chat, knowing you actually care.
How great of a friend you are.



Friday, August 13, 2010

Lets be real..

We're all FOLLOWERS.
In time, we learn to lead.
We follow, whether its following Christ, following your parents or your friends.

I know some people might disagree, but when you think of it..its true.
I follow, I also lead.
Both are difficult, I want to be different. I want to be my own person and nobody else.
Sometimes I get cought up in everyone elses lives and become more like them, than me.
I try to act different to be liked by other people.

I go to a youth group, im a leader there actually, and through time I realized how difficult it is to lead.
Theres so many things I have to do to lead. I'm always scared I'll disappoint.
Having people there who have the same problems I used to have makes it so much easier, I can talk to them about it, I can talk to people about God and what hes done in my life.
It might be difficult sometimes, but I love it.


Thursday, August 12, 2010

I've realized lately

Everyone judges, It's just a fact.
But my question is why?
God created everyone of us, in a different way.
So of course were different but why do we judge eachother?
Some people Judge from just looking at the person, "Oh, they wear skinnys, they're emo"
We've all been judged, and were all guilty of judging.
Can we stop?
Why can't we walk around saying "You're beautiful, unique, special, and God's creation, Keep living you're life"..?
Other people Judge by who they hang out with or don't hang out with.
The only way to actually get to know these people and love these people, is by stepping up and talking to them, getting to know the real person. Instead of judging, lets start loving.
Seranda :)