Saturday, December 3, 2011

I remember the day I deleted your name from my phone, it was hard and I tried so hard not to cry, but I kept on accidently calling you too many times after you died. Cause I missed you, and in some unbelieving corner of my mind, I thought that you might be home.

It has almost been a year without you here.
I don’t know the real reason why you took your life, I know you dealt with a lot in your 19 years on this earth, I just wish I could have helped, like you helped me.

Told me everything will be okay, your meant to be here on this earth, told me I wasn’t worthless. Convince me to stay, here. Life has gotten better after you convinced me to stay, but why didn’t you listen to yourself?

December 14 2010, he took his life, told himself nothing will be okay, convinced that he was a mistake. So sure that he wasn’t enough. He grabbed that rope and ran to the bathroom..that rope tightely around his neck.

Now we’re all in tears, dressed in black. Celebrating a life of a wonderful man. Can we go back one picture on that slideshow? I want to see that smile again and replay that memory in my head.

There are so many things I wish I would have said, It just doesn’t seem right to write it all down, you wont find it and I know that. I want to go on that coffee date we had planned, talk about life and share our thoughts about the most randomest things. Sing ”Mess of Me” by switchfoot and laugh, I want to hear that laugh and see you smiling again, like that one day at yc. We met at the stairs after talking on the phone for 20 minutes trying to find eachother, we joked about previous conversations we had over text messaging, talked about the bands and performances.

Lifes a little crazy you know?
You can’t just leave after you feel like you lost all control.
Stay here, and we will work through it all, I want to be the one you come to when you feel like you have nobody else, I’ll tell you about God and how he made you so unique, how your meant to be on this earth, you were created by him and he has plans for you, he had a plan for you..

1 comment:

  1. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you're keeping your eyes on the Lord. Seek Him for peace and comfort. He knows that pain you're going through and is with you.