Sunday, April 24, 2011

I drank too much soda pop as a kid and now I'm addicted to Caffeine.

I would love to say that I did something with my life, that I accomplished something..
But when I think of it..It's nothing, I look back to my awards and feel like I never accomplished anything.


All my dance awards, they were all team effort.
Sure..I have two track and field metals but they don't mean much, I beat a couple girls in some sports..woo.
The sadest part is..My 13 years of being in the same school and the only awards I've got was attendance, for 3 years.

I stopped going to award nights cause it's all just discouraging.

I've got 4 trophies..all for hunting, those were the things that made me feel like a could actually do something. The fact that I am a 17 year old girl, and am the girl that many people wouldn't expect to be interested in that kind of stuff, because im a small person, and am more of a city kinda girl. Anyway, this is why I feel proud.

I'm searching for something more than just this though, I guess you could say I'm one who wants to be heard..Not just with music, I don't plan on going anywhere with music but just to talk. For people to understand my life, is this selfish?
The goal from that is to get to people, I feel like in a way I can relate to people but to a certain extent..

I dont know if this made sense, my brain is kind of fried.

4 comments:

  1. no, its not selfish.....and awards shouldn't determine how much self confidence you have or how much your worth...or anything for that matter.......

    I don't like the taste of carbonation, so I don't drink pop....lucky me.....

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  2. Yah, I guess you really do have a point.
    It's just the fact that I've been going to the same small school for 13 years and my grade theres only 3 people..me and two other guys..Its just kinda discouraging to lose all the time and people thinking your not good enough..
    When I think of it though..Im proud of who I am and all the things I've accomplished, But im still trying to push myself into doing more, and showing people who I really am. Not the person they think.
    I hide myself all the time, I pay attention to my flaws and it takes me away from alot. I'm just really trying to step out more.

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  3. I kinda understand where you're coming from, although I don't go to a small school, I've never really gotten awards either. Only the super smart kids got those, and in middle school everyone could predict who would be getting the awards. It was very discouraging and for the longest time I always thought that I wasn't smart.
    Something that God has been teaching me and is still teaching me is that my significance comes from him; from who he says I am. Not from what people think of me or if I can meet other's expectations or not. I know alot of times this is really hard to rely on. Who God says that we are--that you are--is much more important than who other people say we are.
    I've got a verse for you:

    John 15:4
    Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

    And check out this link, it's something that one of my small group leaders showed me awhile ago, and I absolutely love it!
    http://www.fathersloveletter.com/text.html

    Ps, I know I comment quite a bit on your posts, so let me know if I'm getting annoying or redundant!

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  4. I absolutely love all your comments :) thanks so much, they are definately a help! I'm currently on my on my phone which is a bummer so I can't look at the link but I'm super excited to see it! :)

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